I am 16 going on 29

It's true, when all of my 15 yr old friends were going to the DMV to get their driving permit, I was going to the DMV only to be rejected at the eye exam. Sad day. Let us all weep for the memory of the dejected teenage me. And 20-something me. And mother of two me. Okay, did you shed a pitiful tear? Just one, now. Don't get too carried away. You see, although it was a sore subject for me, I now am learning all sorts of things about myself. Some of them are nice, some of them ain't pretty. Some of them are deeply profound. But one thing is for certain, I CAN DRIVE!!!!!!!! 

I can honestly say I never thought I'd see this day. When I came screaming into this world, I was born with a congenital deformity in my eyes called "Nystagmus". Go ahead and google it. it's very interesting. The long and short of it is my parents were told that I'd never see more than black and white shapes, but I'd never see detail or even color. And I would certainly never do things like drive or even read a book. Well, Dr. Smarty Pants is probably living in a van down by the river because he was WRONG. Okay, it's not all his fault. The medical world has made leaps and bounds in the Nystagmus department and has learned a lot about it since then. 

So basically my eyes have a mind of their own. They focus when they want to and go all wacky on me when they feel like it. It's not as bad as it sounds, actually. I just have to concentrate, take charge, and my vision is my own again. Making you nervous to share the road with me?? Hahaha! Too late! They already gave me the license! They'd have to pry it from my cold, dead...

Wait, I had a point. Oh, yes! So my eyesight isn't the greatest, but it's good enough to drive, except that whole "reading signs" thing. Yeah, I can't really do that from a reasonable distance. Sure, I can read it when I'm about to pass it, but that's all. So enter my options. 

1. Don't drive. Rely on others to get around. Be generally needy and feel like a leech for the rest of my life. 

Or...

2.

Take it in. All of it. Go on, I know it's hard but it has to be done. 

I politely declined the goatee and sweaty trucker ball cap. And I try not to make that face when I wear my glasses... (Poor guy.. But seriously, you make that face and post it on the internet, you deserve to be the brunt of somebody's joke.)

So there they are, in all their glory. The Bioptic Telescopic Lenses. 

Sure, I'd love it if they looked a little more like this

Or this...

I just tell myself it could be worse. 

And then I wonder if it is...?

It's best not to think about it. 

So I don't! 

Instead I hop in the car with the kids whenever I want, children permitting. So far I love it. 

And here's what I learned: 

I do not have nerves of steel. In fact, I think my nerves are made of fluffy cotton candy in the hands of a blonde pig tailed 5 yr old named Molly. It has taken a lot for me to get to a point where I'm not shaking behind the wheel. Literally. 

Another lesson learned came from my experience at the DMV. Long story. Let's cut to the end. I had a cranky, intimidating, demeaning, rude woman giving me my driving test. Usually I buckle under such a domineering personality.  I turn into a quibbling, stuttering puddle of a person. But this time, my sheer determination to get my license pushed it's way up to the surface and I didn't buckle. In fact, I was calm and collected and could think through what I had to do. (Which involved telling her I wanted to talk to a manager. She was going to fail me for unsubstantial reasons. I re-tested and got a 100%!) 

It really got me thinking about myself and what Heavenly Father would want me to draw from this experience. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with having confidence in myself. So I really felt like this was an experience designed to give me confidence. Driving in general has been a huge boost to the old self-esteem. I never realized that because I never went through that "rite of passage" that I still felt like a child in so many ways. I feel as if Heavenly Father has blessed me to know the desperation of feeling stranded and isolated and then to know the freedom that comes from independence. I mean, compared to the trials of many others, this is small beans, but I'm glad I am able to learn something from it. Something I hope to never forget. 

G R A T I T U D E